I am all out of love, I am so lost without you….
THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!
Give me 3 minutes of your time and walk away feeling lighter, loved and lovable!
Do you know this song by Air Supply?
I believe it was in the charts when I was a teenager (and if you are sensing a tendency to ignoring the fact how long ago that was, you are right!)
Even though I was young at the time, I loved this song. The heartbreak. The sadness. The longing.
It really gripped me and I would have that song on repeat.
Imagine the scene in Bridget Jones where she sings to ‘All by myself’…. that about sums it up!
With Valentine’s day just around the corner, I thought I’d dedicate today’s blog post to LOVE.
And no, I have not turned into a ‘Love’ coach. What I am giving to you today is evidence from my own life and experiences gathered through the work with my amazing clients. Because what everything in life comes down to is LOVE! And I mean everything! Right?
However, the key to everything in your life be it success, healthy and happy relationships, friendships is (drumroll please)
Yes, you! The amazing person reading these lines!
You, whose curiosity lead you here – and my take is for a reason.
You, who in this very moment may be raising your eyebrows in a way the wrinkles start showing on your forehead and a voice in your head says: Oh, please!
Now, you might be in a sort of happy relationship right now, but something is missing.
Or you are longing and seeking for the right person to share your life with.
So no matter where you are on your relationship journey,
I am inviting you to take a close and honest look at yourself. Especially the part in you that knows that you will be fine!
Taking a close look in ‘coach speak’ means, me asking you a powerful question and you taking your time to find the true answer.
What in your relationships, friendships or interaction with other human beings to you miss the most at the moment?
Is it attention? Being valued? Appreciation? Compassion? Or even being loved?
Then take what you are missing and rate this on a scale from 1-10:
How ___ (e.g. compassionate) are you with yourself right now? (10=100%)
Look at how forgiving are you really when you ‘screw something up’. Watch your self-talk: how compassionate is it really?
If you score anything below a 7 then chances are, that you are seeking for others to fill a void that you are unable to give yourself.
Yes, I know. It kind of hurts to hear that. The T-Shirt is in my wardrobe!
Now, there are multiple reasons WHY you are unable to fill that void. It may have to do with how you were raised and what you heard or learned from your parents in your childhood. Meaning if either of your parents was unable to show compassion or empathy when you were hurting, sad or unwell and instead you heard sentences like: ‘don’t be such a mickey mouse!’ or ‘you will be fine, it isn’t that bad!’, then chances are high you will be challenged to give yourself that compassion.
However, your intrinsic need for compassion is still there. So unconsciously, you put ‘the job’ over on your partner’s shoulders.
And if you are skeptical now – I get it! That was me until I allowed myself to have that honest conversation with myself!
Give yourself a tap on the shoulders now, because you have just completed the most important step of changing the relationship with YOU!
You have just completed Step 1 of a simple 3-step process:
You are now aware of a blind spot which is key to taking the next important step.
Step 2: Have a close look at ‘compassion’.
Imagine you are being, and for the purpose of this exercise, more compassionate with yourself.
What would that look like? And if that is tricky look at someone you know to be a very compassionate person: what do they do or say?
Then close your eyes and think of a situation where you were lacking compassion.
Go into that situation, feel into it and now imagine you being very compassionate with yourself. Imagine how you are being kind and loving to yourself. Say the new, compassionate, sentences and feel into them.
This may be a bit awkward, to begin with, but keep going.
Because you are doing a very smart thing here: You are using a loophole in our brilliant human system:
Our brain is not able to distinguish if a thought or situation is real or just imagined!
Become a pro and start imagining your WANTs and MUST have’s for your life and believe me, you will start to feel differently because you are building new neural pathways in your brain! But more importantly, a new image of yourself in life and relationships which people will see:
You are becoming a magnet because now you attract people who are the same way as you: happy and content within themselves, looking for their likes.
Which leads me to Step 3:
practice, practice, practice!
Imagine waking up in the morning, turning around to the person next to you and feeling loved! It brings a big smile on your face because you know you are not asking him or her to fix this, so when they are grumpy your whole world starts tumbling, but you feel love because you love yourself. You choose to be in this relationship because of who the person is and not what they fill in within you!
If this is you and you want to get there, then sign up for my ‘LoveME’ challenge starting February 13th! (Do it, even if it is the only thing you are taking away from this post!)
After 5 days, you will feel more love, confidence, and happiness on the outside and in! And please don’t complain if you magnetise people into your life all of a sudden!
Let Love Rule!